Chaplains host marriage-enrichment seminar for reservists

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Wesley Wright
  • 442nd FW/PA
Whiteman AFB, Mo. --  The 442nd Fighter Wing chaplain team hosted a marriage enrichment seminar for reservists throughout the wing Feb. 24 and 25 here.

Chaplain (Capt.) Benjamin Hayden organized and led the event that was open to all couples who are married or plan to be married. The seminars, which are usually part of a yellow-ribbon program, have been attended in the past by wing members go to -- or returning from -- a deployment.

Hayden said the purpose of the event is to make sure you don't just have a good marriage, but a great one. The two-day seminar provided couples with the tools necessary to manage conflicts and to keep communication going, thus enriching their marriage, he said.

Hayden said he believes that a strong marriage is firmly rooted in three factors: "Faith is the foundational piece to build upon," he said. "Communication and love is being able to say to each other 'We are not perfect, but we love each other despite our differences.'"

Master Sgt. Richard Kengor, 442nd Maintenance Squadron, and his wife Nancy, both of whom attended the event, said faith should take a central role in any relationship.
"If you put God first, everything else falls into place," Nancy said.

The chaplain staff agreed.

"A strong spiritual connection is a component of a long-term healthy marriage," said Tech. Sgt Allen Haas, 442nd FW chaplain's assistant.

In addition to those three factors, Hayden said resiliency, both within the self and within the relationship, are required for a healthy marriage.

"Life happens, and it is important to have that strong base," Hayden said. "Being resilient, bouncing back when trials bring us down, not just surviving in the relationship but thriving are all important."

Military reservists face a set of daunting challenges, Hayden said: Military service, civilian careers, and families form a trio of responsibilities that can demand much time and energy.

"Giving couples the tools they need to manage conflicts can strengthen the marriage," Hayden said. "Having a strong marriage gives you a strong foundation to stand upon when life happens."

Senior Master Sgt. Cindy Roller, 442nd FW chaplain's assistant, said while she is married to a reservist, she could see how it would be difficult for a reservist married to a civilian.

"The civilian spouse might not understand why the military spouse is gone for long periods of time," she said. "You help foster that understanding through; marriage enrichment, unit events such as family picnics, immersion in military culture."

Hayden said he believes that there is no such thing as the perfect marriage.

"Sometimes Airmen go into marriage with unrealistic expectations," Hayden said. "Marriage is one of the hardest things a person can do, in my opinion."

Hayden said pre-counseling, discussing expectations, and talking with the partners about what to do when the new-marriage-bubble pops all factor in on how to ensure the relationship is on track to last the distance.

Haas and Roller both agreed they believe no marriage is perfect, but said that marriage can be likened to an automobile -- you have to keep up on the maintenance or the whole thing breaks down.